Just biting the bullet

I am doing my best to not stop, or not not start, doing things until they're clean and fully realized. This is the era of my vulnerability and doing things wrong or badly or embarrassingly in front of all. My low self esteem showed itself as superiority often and I denied myself many experiences being a pick me or simply being too ashamed and/or incapable of being okay with any outcome. I don't need to present as perfect. I need unyielding honesty. I wanted a close deep connection with someone while I closed parts of myself off and wasn't able to provide her what I was expecting from her. Unfair and counter productive. I've shot myself in the foot a lot and we are going to unpack that stuff. As well as my life and lessons on the road living that #RVLife , as a dog mom, a 'distant step mom' something, a lesbian that is single for what feels like the first time in her life, and the self aware -fight the ego- Sagittarius who is connected to the moon and the rain and is on multiple medications for mental illness. A newly 40 year old that needs to love her face and body again and maximize her potential and health. An artist that has a lot of shit to work through and needs to find her language. Biting the bullet and putting up the first post , as messy as it is, because to accomplish anything you just need to start and not stop. Start and be okay with being bad at it till you are good at it. Finding the balance between isolation, need for validation and audience, privacy, vulnerability, and honest.y. And away we go!